Hi, I’m Ming-Wai and my negative reel makes me look good

I’ve never told anyone this, but when I was in high school, I stopped by the drugstore on my way home and purchased diet pills. I tried to find the most “natural” brand and I kept it a secret from everyone. It stayed in my possession for weeks unopened, I read the instruction pamphlet, and accepted that it would essentially give me diarrhea so that I would achieve my goal weight and feel better about myself. Okay, that sounded reasonable.

If you knew me in high school, you wouldn’t call me fat or unattractive. I was good in school, a cheerleader, and made friends with everyone. I always had a smile on my face and a hug to share. I achieved my goals and made people around me proud with my accomplishments. I had nothing to complain about. I was living an ideal high school existence… on the outside.

No one would have guessed that I was putting myself down every time I accomplished one of my goals. No one could hear me critiquing myself on how someone else was doing better and then spiraling into how I was a failure, a disgrace, and how I should try harder next time.

When my negative reel said “if you were only skinnier like her, then you could be happier,” I was motivated to workout, go on a diet, and buy trendy clothes. And then I would get compliments on how good I looked!

When my negative reel said “you’re probably the stupidest person in this class,” I was motivated to start studying more and focus better. And then I would get better grades and praise!

The annoying thing about my negative reel is that she made me look good to the people I wanted to impress the most. Her shit talking motivated me to work hard to achieve my goals. I was proud of that and what I was able to accomplish. I also thought that putting myself down made me work harder and gave me a competitive edge.

My negative reel wasn’t a problem for a long time because it kept me in a spiral of productivity surrounded by praise and compliments. I didn’t even “hear” her anymore because I was so invested in this identity that I had successfully cultivated and I was on auto-pilot.

It only became a problem when I was having a hard time holding it together as a 30-something career-driven mom of a baby and a very strong-willed toddler when my façade started to crack. Health issues, insomnia, and stress overload were all brushed off as “normal” but I knew deep down that I couldn’t solve my problems by doing more. I had to start doing less, letting go of pieces of my identity, and I was terrified and angry that this was the solution.

After decades of my negative reel successfully coaching me to look good in front of all the people I loved and cared about, I realized that I had trained myself to be motivated by fear, threats, and external validation.

I didn’t know how to talk to myself with kindness and support. It didn’t get me the results I was seeking fast enough. I was stretched thin and exhausted so fear and insults were the most effective way to get shit done in this dog-eat-dog world.

But letting go was the solution. It took years for me to recognize and stand up to my negative reel. It took years of working with my tools of yoga, meditation, and energetic healing to allow myself to look honestly inward and discover who the hell I really was without the noise of external validation. And I’m still working on moving forward with confidence in my new-found identity of exactly who I was meant to be in this world.

I know I’m on a long journey of self-discovery and I have my tools to support me along the way. I know that feeling uncomfortable is usually an invitation to change. And now I know that letting go of my go-go-go lifestyle is the most efficient way to getting back on track to living more authentically.

These are the truths that I come back to when my negative reel sneaks up on me (and she does so more often than I’d like to admit). The shift is that I’m not as terrified of change as I once was and I have found that living authentically feels so much better than the exhausting habit of seeking external validation.

So what ever happened with those diet pills that I bought in high school? Well, after having them for a month, I gave in to my negative reel and opened up the first pill package when I spotted the expiration date printed on it. It had expired a few months before. I took it as a sign, threw the box in the trash, and made myself promise never to buy diet pills again. It felt really good. Take that, negative reel!

do you trust yourself?

One of the very first steps in our healing journey was discovering our negative self-talk. Here at ming+ming, we call it our negative reel.

The constant repetition of doubts and fears plaguing our thoughts is what reminds us of an old fashioned movie reel. The incessant tick, tick, tick, ticking noise in the background while the film reels go around and around projecting how we view ourselves and how we think others may view us too.

With our negative reel running in the back of our minds all the time, we were unconsciously losing trust in our own abilities. We didn’t trust that we had what it takes to meet new challenges and succeed. It deprived us of our courage to take leaps of faith. It robbed us of our self worth. It created massive amounts of negative dialogue that forced us to look for external validation. It kept us stuck and eventually we lost our way because honestly, we didn’t even know we were shit talking ourselves all the time.

Deep down, we felt that something wasn’t right. But we also felt overwhelmed with our daily responsibilities and maintaining others' expectations. We were exhausted, confused, and imbalanced, leaving little energy to evaluate our situation or consider changing our routines.

It took us quite some time to even recognize our negative reels since it was a familiar voice. And it took us even longer to stand up for ourselves and tell our negative reel that we’re not buying what she’s selling anymore. In hindsight, we can now say that this step of identifying our negative reel, quieting it down, and replacing it is the crucial first step to getting unstuck.

Once we recognized our negative reel, we had to rebuild our relationship with ourselves first. We had to build a foundation of trust. It was impossible to move forward and have honest conversations with ourselves if we didn’t trust that we had our own backs.

We knew that constantly looking for others to validate our worthiness only strengthened our negative reel, leaving us feeling out of control. We recognized that the fear projected by our negative reel dictated our decisions and actions by keeping us stuck and too afraid to do anything different. And we were trying so hard to hold it all together but the emotional outbursts, physical ailments, and strained relationships were all markers that something was off.

It wasn’t until further along our healing journeys that we recognized the power of the words we say to ourselves. The voices that sounded just like our own were telling us that we weren’t good enough, no one would care, and we had run out of time to change. These messages were so embedded into our thoughts that we never questioned them as we continued to hold on to our limiting beliefs.

The fact of the matter is that change is hard and we have no control over the outcome. These two factors can make it feel nearly impossible to get off the starting block, let alone move forward with your dreams and deepest desires. And you most certainly cannot go on such a treacherous and difficult journey if your lifelong traveling companion is telling you that there’s no way you are going to make it.

We had to build that foundation of trust within ourselves since it is our own opinion that always surrounds us. We had to learn how to find that inner strength and stick up for ourselves. We had to be the one telling ourselves: there is nothing wrong with you, you can make these changes, you can do hard things and you are worth it.

It was only when we were able to replace the negative reel with loving words of encouragement and give ourselves the grace of forgiveness that we could start moving forward with our first steps to sustainable and lasting change.

Shifting our negative reel gave us the permission to try and fail. It helped us realize that we give others too much power over our thoughts and feelings. It gave us confidence that we are stronger than we know. It helped us acknowledge that deep inside we knew how to get unstuck, but the noise was so loud that it left us confused and disappointed in our progress.

If you can relate to this personal struggle, then we are here to help. Recognizing your negative reel is your first step but we know how difficult it is to differentiate your true voice from your negative reel since they usually sound the same. You are not alone - this is hard stuff - and we’re here to coach you when you’re ready.

In the meantime, keep following along with us in February to help identify your negative reel. We will be sharing personal stories and the tools we used to help recognize, understand and quiet down our negative reels.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

if i stop, i'll crumble

Sometimes it’s just easier to keep busy. We say to ourselves: “if I slow down and pause, my body would just crumble.” So we don’t stop. We keep pushing on because who has time to rest?

Our bodies clearly communicate to us that we are doing too much. Whether it’s aching and stiff muscles, headaches, migraines or stomach pains, sleepless nights, sore throats or a pinched nerve, our bodies are letting us know it’s time to slow down and take a rest. But instead, we double down on pushing ourselves, taking a painkiller to silence the signals, and keep on checking off our perpetual to-do lists.

At ming+ming, we don’t define balance as a circus balancing act where you can juggle 5 balls, while spinning plates and riding a unicycle. What we mean by balance is finding the counterbalance to the constant push, the drive, the go-go-go, more-is-better, I’ll-sleep-when-I-die mentality.

But it’s hard to stop our inertia especially when the culture that surrounds us amplifies a single definition of success creating excuses for why it’s NOT okay to slow down. What we have found to counteract that nagging urge to stay productive starts with thoughtful and intentional pauses.

It’s hard to rest. It’s even harder to rest without guilt and shame. It’s hard to quiet down our thoughts that add to the noise all around us. However, it’s in the pause, the thoughtful moments, the quietness, when we can reflect and ask ourselves what it is we need and how to give that to ourselves.

It’s only when we give ourselves the space, time and support that we can have meaningful and honest conversations with ourselves. It’s HOW we are able to go within.

Because it’s in these quiet moments that we will find our shift, the real possibility for change. We are just waiting for something – that one suggestion, that one message – that resonates with us and redefines our perspective to spark a genuine interest to try something different. To see a situation from a different angle, to view a problem as a puzzle, to shift our entire viewpoint allowing us the ability to believe something that we once thought was impossible.

At ming+ming we provide you this pause. We not only give you the permission, but we also encourage it. The pause is your tool.

Our ming+ming classes are your scheduled pauses. They are designed to help ease you from your fast-paced, accomplishment-oriented mindset. This allows you to restore your body, mind and soul so you can continue to push and go when you need it, giving you the work-life balance you seek.

Our teachers have a personal passion for the classes that they teach due to their own personal healing journeys. You will feel connected, supported and confident that you are taking the right steps in your own healing journeys.

So if you can relate to the feelings of burnout, exhaustion, and your body just wants you to rest, then join us for our classes. You will find us both there because we too need the pauses that help us discover our balance so we can enjoy the life we work so hard to create.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee