Hi, I'm Laurie and here's my story

When I found the ming+ming classes, I was desperate to get back to my yoga practice. I had taken up Ashtanga yoga to rebuild muscle mass and bone density after a bout of degenerative hyperthyroidism. I was doing yoga six days a week and feeling pretty damn good about myself, not realizing that the underlying connective tissue disorder was allowing my body to stretch and flex, but not really repairing itself in the process.

My life was hectic. We had chosen a private school for our son across town and sat in traffic for hours a day. My small business was a lot of work with little return. I had a fall down the stairs that seemed all right at first, but as I continued my demanding yoga practice, I realized that the damage was more severe.

“Power through,” I thought to myself. Some of my yoga teachers had done their practice through the ninth month of their pregnancies! I had a friend who sprained her wrist who just continued doing her yoga series on her knuckles. “You can do this – just keep going.” I wasn’t listening to my body. At all. All the things that I let go of when I healed my thyroid started trickling back in. Sugar, chocolate, caffeine, alcohol. I was surviving, but my hip was a reminder that things were not well.

I went to acupuncture, physical therapy, and did Reiki for my hip. I even started Pilates with a personal trainer. After a year and a half, I could walk normally but every attempt at yoga ended in sprains. I sprained my elbow, my wrist, my ankle, my knee, and so on.

I missed my yoga. For me, yoga is meditation in motion. It was the only time I allowed myself to be still. My refuge in a crazy world. My connection to the Divine.

When the “lockdown” of COVID happened, it gave me the opportunity to stop. Stop driving. Stop socializing. Stop forcing myself into poses just because the muscular yoga instructor could do it -- or that guy on the mat next to me who’s seventy.

I’m different. I should not have to compete with them but I couldn’t seem to turn off the noise that told me otherwise.

Ming-Wai was one of my bridesmaids so of course I tried her class to show my support. It was online and seemed easy to fit into my schedule as I desperately needed to get back into yoga. As life would have it, the driving to private school turned into homeschool. I was looking for refuge so I came to two yoga classes a week. Eventually, I was able to move my hip after a while and started experiencing the unexpected benefits of taking yoga class in the comfort of my own home. I had all the props I wanted with no one critiquing my poses–especially myself. I just did what felt right to my body at that time. And each time it was different.

I didn’t expect my ming+ming yoga experience to be this powerful, but it was.

And then I joined the meditation class. We learned about our negative reels, which is the voice inside that says “power up!” when your body is powering down. I learned about focus and what it means to let go of everything – including your thoughts. I learned about others’ struggles and wins and shared my own.

This community is why ming+ming classes and workshops are so successful for me. It’s not just yoga, it’s yoga with friends. It’s not just meditation, it’s being vulnerable in a group of people who care about you and who cheer on your effort. I’m literally the walking proof that they work. I don’t know if I would have made this change in my life without them.

Much love.

Laurie

someday

If we stay too long in our dreams of the future, we can get lost longing for what we don’t have or what we’re still missing. This quickly triggers our negative reel, which convinces us that we are not good enough and that we should be here and not there. “Someday” can’t seem to come soon enough because it’s not until then that things will have finally changed.

This mindset can create a space where we are stuck waiting for someday to come. We plan for a time where everything will be different. But until then we will have to find ways to cope, manage the discomfort, strategize to distract and numb the present moment, until that someday finally gets here.

We may not recognize that these coping strategies created to get us through our chaotic days is also what's keeping us from creating the change we’ve been waiting for. For most of us, it’s easier to wait for external circumstances to change instead of actively creating the change we want for our future.

But if we shift from wishing for a better future to focusing on making small changes in the present, then we will someday recognize that it’s a process to get to our dreams. It’s the gradual layering of skills developed over time and discovering resilience that builds the bridge to take us over the rainbow.

The decisions we make in the present moment allows us to gradually grow in the direction we’ve been gazing. And it’s only after taking one small step after another that we can reflect on the path that we’ve created. It’s a process and it takes time.

So we must not get stuck wishing upon a star so we can someday wake up where the clouds are far behind us. Instead, we must focus on what we want to build for ourselves and how we are going to build it. Because if we focus on the process to reach our goals, it will allow us to discover our true value, our self worth, and the vastness of our capabilities along the way.

The value of taking the time to reflect on where we’ve been is that it reminds us that we were once stuck wishing for a better future instead of taking the steps to create one. And though the progression of our personal growth journeys continues to be slow, full of hard work and challenges, we are no longer waiting for “someday” because we can now see that we are already on the path heading over the rainbow.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

better isn't "right"

At ming+ming, our goal isn’t to become a better version of ourselves, it’s to grow into a richer version of ourselves.

As we were beautifully reminded by our yoga instructor Justyna, it’s important to take the time to embrace exactly who we are right now, exactly where we are on our personal growth journeys. Because when we tell ourselves that we are trying to create habits to make ourselves “better,” this implies that there is something wrong with us.

We have both been working on ourselves, but more specifically we have been working on shifting our perspectives of how we view ourselves and how we speak to ourselves. We’ve realized that making small adjustments to our internal dialogue can make a significant impact on the quality of our journeys. And as we reflect back, it’s been one of our hardest challenges (and to be honest, we’re still working on it) because sometimes we aren’t sure if we always believe what we tell ourselves.

Something that helps to remind us of our self worth is a quote from Rabbi Mordecai Finley: “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just discovered your work.”

Work. That’s exactly what it is. Perhaps that’s what deters so many of us from doing it. If we want to grow as individuals, it will take work, it will take extra energy, and it will take time. It will feel uncomfortable and we will feel like quitting at some point. We will try something new only to learn that it didn’t provide us with the results we hoped for. It’s not only work, but it’s hard work.

As we look down the road of our personal growth journeys, we can see the potential difficulties and challenges that we will face ahead, and that fear alone can be so powerful it stops us in our tracks. But we now know that growth comes from overcoming obstacles and finding the strength to keep challenging ourselves to move forward. This is how we grow into deeper, richer versions of ourselves, not a “better” one.

We are now more comfortable with being uncomfortable, even though it can still suck. We accept the unexpected because we now believe in our ability to solve our own problems, even though it’s frustrating and inconvenient. We have developed more courage to try new things in spite of the fear since we know that self discovery comes from experiencing life even when we’d rather feel safe in our familiar spaces.

It takes doing the work to grow. And for us, growing is the goal. And though we may slip back into the mindset that we are trying to better ourselves, shifting our perspective and changing even a single word (healthier, stronger…) can make the journey less strenuous. Growing into a deeper and richer version of ourselves allows us to still make mistakes and face failure despite our efforts without our negative reels reminding us that we aren’t good enough.

We believe it’s from our mistakes and failures that we learn what our likes and dislikes are, and discover what works and what doesn’t. It allows us to connect with others over shared experiences, and lessens our judgment that perpetuates our limiting beliefs. Mistakes and failures are what allows us to realize that doing what’s “right” all the time doesn’t make us better, it just makes us stuck believing that better is always “right”.

If you were to shift just one perspective, we encourage you to pause long enough to redefine your goal. If your goal implies that you need to improve because there is something wrong with you, then you should expect your growth journey to be riddled with self doubt and accompanied by a loud negative reel. But if you can work on truly believing that there is nothing wrong with you and you’ve just discovered your work, then we can guarantee your travels will be more enjoyable despite the difficult terrain.

ming+ming makes the work less harsh by eliminating the confusion on where to start or which tools to try, and feeling overwhelmed when you think you are all alone on this journey.

Start by taking one of our classes to find the time to pause long enough to ask yourself (and actually hear the answer to): “What is my goal?”

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

Hi, I'm Ming-Cee and I wanted change without changing

“Go on a hike,” they say. “Make Sundays your meal prep day,” “When people hurt you, they’re just hurting themselves.”

All great advice for someone depressed, hurt, and scared for their future. I just didn’t know how any of these suggestions pertained to me.

I barely had the energy to get out of bed and do the dishes, let alone go on a hike. How are you supposed to create healthier habits that give you more energy when you have no energy to begin with? This was me.

There was even a point in my life where I would think about what I would wish for if I came across a genie in a lamp and he granted me three wishes. Yes, desperation makes you look for answers in all places. I desperately wanted things to change immediately with a flick of a wrist.

But as you would suspect, I was waiting for a long time and I never did find that magical lamp. I look back now and can still feel the desperation. I wanted change in my life but I didn’t want to have to change my life. I didn’t want to have to put in the work, I didn’t want to make Sundays my meal prep day (I still don’t), I didn’t want to be that person on a strict diet, I didn’t want to be the person who had to make hard decisions and say “no” to fun activities or schedule naps into my day.

Because that’s the harsh truth to changing your life–you actually have to change. Others don’t need to change, just you.

When I talk about my healing journey, that’s exactly what it is–a journey. To first check in with myself, figure out how I am feeling and what I need to support myself, then chisel away at how I can start applying different choices to my life. Inevitably, I’d fall off my wagon, feel disappointment in myself and start all over again. It’s exhausting. It’s uncomfortable. It’s annoying. And the progress can seem slow as Hell. But that’s when I find the most support from the land of the woo-woo.

It takes energy healing to get me to realize that part of my stuckness is that I don’t believe in my own worthiness. It takes tarot cards to give me hope and reassurance that different decisions will lead me to where I want to go. It takes crystals to give me courage to face my challenges and lessen my self doubts. It takes akashic records to give me perspective of my ancestral past, and by comparison, to allow me to enjoy all the blessings I currently have. It takes nature and grounding to realize how insignificant my struggles are in comparison to the universe that surrounds me. And it takes learning the skill of meditation to slow down, pause, and be present for the life I am living.

I’m at the point in my life where my new habits still mingle with the old. I still pop pills for a headache and sometimes to fall asleep, but I also take my vitamins in the morning. I fall back on the comfort of my vices when I have “hard days” then challenge myself to take breaks when I feel stronger. I skip yoga classes during the busy summer schedule but find myself prioritizing the recordings because I know showing up for myself always makes me feel better.

Discovering practices that are considered woo-woo has not given me immediate relief to my personal struggles or the answers to my problems. But what it has provided me with is a deeper connection with myself, a shift in my thinking that used to keep me in my old patterns and feeling stuck, and the courage to continue to do hard things. It’s these new woo-woo tools in my life that have given me the energy and strength to continue to do the hard work and bring about change in life by changing myself.

It’s all hard and will continue to be hard because ultimately there’s still a part of me that wishes life was just easy. Three-wishes easy. But as I continue to go on this journey, my wish is also changing. Perhaps it’s not an easy life I wish for but to live a life of ease. Because it’s only when I accomplish hard things that I develop a deeper love for myself and redefine my confidence from the inside out. I would receive neither from a life on easy street. So instead, the skills I develop from facing my personal challenges allows me to live my life authentically since I now know that I have what it takes.

Incorporating woo-woo into my life was a challenge in itself, mainly because trying something new with no proof of it working ran the high risk of dwindling the very limited energy I had in the first place. It was easier to spend my time wishing things were different.

But now, with new unexpected tools incorporated into my life, I don’t need three wishes. The magic isn’t in the woo-woo but the woo-woo gives me the confidence to continue believing in my own magic. This might not make sense to everyone and it hasn’t always made sense to me either but I know that I am shifting into the best version of me… and that is all I can wish for.

With love,

Ming-Cee

dear friend,

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Both of us remember how terrified we were to take our first steps and how the fear alone kept us from changing our lives. With time comes reflection and we now look back on what scared us the most and what kept us on autopilot thinking we’d rather maintain the status quo than take our first steps in faith.

There was a time when Ming-Wai felt unfulfilled even though she was receiving praise for her hard work, rewarded with raises and promotions. And Ming-Cee lived a blessed life but was feeling out of control, having emotional reactions to the ones she loved the most, and watching herself become someone she didn’t recognize or like very much.

The façade of having it all while feeling lost on the inside would eventually wear on us. It was exhausting, confusing, and made us feel off and inauthentic. But since we were on autopilot, we didn't know any different. Back then, we didn’t take time to pause, analyze, or change our patterns. We were caught in a spiral of asking ourselves “what is expected of me” before asking ourselves “what do I need in my life” and for a long time, we thought the first question was the same as the second.

Though we may have had a healthy dose of self esteem, we were unconsciously consumed with how others would perceive us. Somewhere down the line, we had stopped doing things for ourselves and started to do things for others. We thrived on external validation and came to see it as our own achievements. It wasn't until many years later when we found ourselves “living the dream” on the outside that we realized we were experiencing it differently on the inside.

It took quieting down our negative reel, checking in with our ego, and finding our why to admit that we weren’t enjoying the lives we were working so hard to create. That gave us the incentive to pause, shift our perspectives, and stop living on autopilot. We were now ready to take our first steps towards the change we wanted to see... and it was terrifying because it wasn’t something we had done before.

It was terrifying to ask ourselves what we needed without anyone else’s input. And it was disappointing to realize that we didn’t know how to answer that question at first.

How had we come so far and yet become so detached from ourselves? We had curated our lives to meet the expectations of our parents, our community, and our culture only to realize at some point that we had achieved someone else’s definition of success. We had forgotten about ourselves along the way. We felt unfulfilled, out of control, and confused because we didn’t trust ourselves anymore. When we asked ourselves what we needed and wanted in our lives, our whispers of intuition and guidance were frequently drowned out by the noise of external expectations.

It didn’t come easy and change didn’t happen overnight, but we are now able to answer the question of what we need… most of the time. Our first steps were to rediscover ourselves, get back in touch with our likes and dislikes, remind ourselves of our passions, and embrace our natural talents. We had to invest time, money, and energy into ourselves to prove that we were worth it.

Though we didn't know at the time and couldn’t see the full staircase, we took those small, terrifying first steps in faith. It brought up uncomfortable emotions, annoyances, and setbacks but we know it was worth the climb even though we didn’t know exactly where it would take us.

Looking back now, we are grateful for the investment it took to rediscover who we really are. We continue step by step into the fear of the unknown because we recognize now what we’re doing for us and what we’re doing for others. We have the privilege to reach our hand back and invite you to come along with us and keep climbing.

Is there something in your life that you deeply desire to change but are fearful to take steps in that direction? Drop a comment below or contact us with your story so we can help you clear the way, get reconnected with yourself, and support your first steps. YOU can do this too.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

before you walk you have to crawl…

...and before you crawl you have to just lie there.

Sometimes it takes clearing things out of the way before our first steps can even be a possibility. And the thought of having to do work before the work even begins can be overwhelming, discouraging, and depressing.

The transition between awareness and behavioral change can seem daunting to say the least. Sometimes it's the exact thing that keeps us stuck and fearful to begin. In our minds, the clutter and noise can perpetuate our limiting beliefs and drive our habitual patterns leaving little to no room for change.

If you have ever felt stuck and frustrated at yourself for not staying on track when implementing change, perhaps you just need to slow down to explore the deeper understanding of your personal stuckness before taking your first actionable steps.

Tools like walking, meditation, yoga, journaling, and resting give us the pause to quiet the expectations and other noise filling our minds, if only for a few minutes. And it’s in this practice of pausing that we shift from feeling like life is happening TO us to feeling like life is happening FOR us.

The pause in our day is imperative to strengthening the belief in ourselves. It reconnects us to the values that define who we are. But it’s really hard to find that pause in the inertia of our push harder, do more, I’ll sleep when I’m dead culture.

That’s why at ming+ming we make it easier for us to find the time to reconnect with ourselves. We’ve designed our classes to be the scheduled pause in our day to find our breath, rest our eyes, and ease our nervous system allowing us to calm down and ask: What do we need to help ourselves and which step should we take next?

Starting a new routine or any action towards the change we desire takes dedication and motivation. Both are byproducts of first taking the time to slow down and pause.

The truth is that change usually only happens out of necessity. We must want to want to change. New, healthier routines only happen when we enjoy the benefits we obtain from it, naturally keeping us coming back, not because someone else told us it was good for us.

So in order to find the strength from within, we must believe the hard work that comes with change is worth it. We must believe that we are smarter than our problems. We must believe that we have the power to heal ourselves. We must believe that we can do hard things. And we must believe we have the ability to help ourselves.

If you don’t believe this yet about yourself, come join us in class where you can clear the way through deep breaths, lying quietly and reaffirming your beliefs and values. It’s in the tool of the pause that you will find the clarity and confidence in knowing your next step.

Because before you can step, you must learn to crawl and before you crawl, you just need to lie there.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

Hi, I’m Ming-Wai and I’m coming out of the mystical closet

For most of my life, I thought I knew what I wanted. I accomplished what I set my mind to and I was happy, I was loved, I was grateful. I was living the professional working mom dream on the outside, but something felt off on the inside.

Peeling back all the layers to discover my why was a lot of emotional work. It took years. I put on a cheery face in public but I struggled to delve deep into my soul in private. I felt lost. I didn’t know my purpose in life and it was eating at me from the inside out. I knew that I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine until I retired. The thought of 20 more years living this “perfect” life exhausted me. And that’s how I knew I was out of alignment with my why.

I fell off the wagon frequently and convinced myself that I was just overreacting and overthinking things. I fell back on bad habits, like volunteering to work on my days off so someone else wouldn’t have to. Fortunately when I felt unbalanced, I always came back to my tools of yoga, meditation, crystals, tarot, and journaling in order to chisel away the layers of doubt, insecurity, fear, and cultural conditioning.

After all that frustrating work, discovering my purpose and my why in life was less of an “aha” moment and more of a slow shift in perspective. I began to see that my why was connected to my natural talents that permeated through all my accomplishments, but I just didn’t give it much value because it came easy to me. I kept my interests and talents a secret because I had convinced myself that it was weird and I was scared I would be teased.

But it’s time I came out of the mystical closet and fully embraced my why. I am a space holder, I am an energy worker, I am an intuitive coach. I am on this earth to help you dive deeper into yourself and guide you forward with confidence.

I know in my heart that this is my calling, my purpose, my why. It took me a lot of hard work to get here so you would think it’d be easier on the other side.

It’s not. The most difficult part of embracing my why is putting it into practice and living it.

My negative reel is overwhelming when I contemplate doing this as a living. My ego tries to convince me that I need to stay the course society expects of me. My identity is confused as to who I am if I’m not living the life that I update on LinkedIn.

So do I regret all that soul-searching work to discover my why just to be met with more struggles? Absolutely not.

Knowing my why has allowed me to find my foundation. I am in the beginning stages of taking back my self-worth and recognizing the value of my natural gifts. I’m no longer afraid of being teased for being weird. I know I’m weird and that’s why it’s so important that I share my unique talents! There aren’t a lot of people like me and there needs to be more amazing humans unapologetically sharing their God-given talents on this earth.

Because when I found my why, I saw that I was needed everywhere. And when friends, family, and strangers tell me their struggles, their pain, their insecurities, I know I can help them. And that lights me up. It gives me energy. I can feel the divine guidance shining through me affirming what I’m here on earth to do.

I’m finally ready to step into my why and share my gifts. I will be offering 1-on-1 sessions using tarot, akashic record readings, and reiki to help you get a deeper understanding of your personal problems that keep you feeling stuck. Sign up for my waitlist if you're interested in working with me and we'll be in touch.

join the waitlist

With love,

Ming-Wai

step three: your why

Change is hard. And sometimes, it’s incredibly fucking hard. There are times we want to give up, and sometimes we do. We call this falling off the wagon and it’s a critical part to our healing journey. Because it’s only when our discomforts become too loud to ignore that we are forced to think about why we want to change in the first place.

Usually when life gets uncomfortable, our reaction is to immediately try to “fix” how we feel. We binge watch, we scroll, we shop, we throw ourselves into our work, we distract ourselves from our feelings one way or another. This makes us feel better for a while, but it doesn’t last.

Our why is that honest, true answer that is deep within us and it’s what gets us back on track. It’s our north star when we get distracted. Our why gives us the courage and stamina to face the problem, conflict, or stuckness head-on because it’s the only way to achieve our goals without bringing along the emotional baggage. It’s uncomfortable, it’s frustrating, and no one wants to do it. This is why they call it “doing the work.”

The hardest of all the work comes in the beginning. When we are first challenging our habitual thought processes, our ingrained beliefs, and our life-long habits. Sometimes we find ourselves longing for things to be easier, but we know in our hearts that the real life-changing moments happen after a battle well fought.

There’s much to battle within ourselves - cultural expectations, feelings of unworthiness, guilt, the list never ends. The hard work is shifting our perspective so we can invest the time, money, and energy to work through our stuckness, insecurities, and weaknesses. Our strength comes from knowing that the hard work will be uncomfortable until we do it enough times that we feel comfortable with the uncomfortable.

As we continue to choose to do our own work, we become more skillful in sitting with the discomfort, not reacting, and not rushing to fix how we feel. We pause, prioritize our needs, implement our tools, and show up to class because we are essentially training ourselves to better understand our emotions, address our mental health, and to be intentional with our reactions so we may live with more ease and less regrets.

Understanding our why is our motivation for showing up for ourselves, especially when we’d rather just check out. We are all ebbing and flowing between our old familiar selves and who we are slowly working to become as we push forward and continue doing the hard work. When we lose focus and our comfy old habits suggest we stay awhile, we go back to why we took the terrifying leap of faith to change in the first place.

As we continue down this difficult path, we remember to honor ourselves when we need a break, give ourselves grace when we fall off the wagon, and even enjoy our indulgences once in a while because all of this can be so damn hard.

We encourage you to go on this courageous journey with us. Our platform provides tools, encouragement, and systematic solutions to the challenges we will inevitably encounter along the way. Yes this is hard and yes you have what it takes. We are here to support you and give you the space you need to reaffirm your why so you can keep moving forward with confidence.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

ego + identity practice of ho'oponopono

This Hawaiinan forgiveness ritual is deceivingly simple. When I bought the book, it was shorter than I expected and I thought "this is it?" But then I started practicing it and it forced me to acknowledge that I was holding onto grudges because I felt that I was right and they were wrong. And I realized that this was my ego. My ego was protecting my feelings by justifying my thoughts, words, and actions.

The practice is four statements:

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

When I first started the practice, I picked an "easy" subject to test out since I thought I had gotten over it many years ago - my ex-boyfriends! I held my first test subject in my mind and said the magic words and my reaction was something like "I'm sorry you were such a jerk, I don't need your stinkin' forgiveness to move on, thank you for teaching me who I didn't want to be with, and I love my life without you."

Wow, okay. I didn't realize I was still holding onto relationships that had ended over a decade ago. I was really surprised!

So I worked through the practice when I could fit it in, which was commuting on the metro to and from work. It softly guided me to what I was still holding onto (the hurt and the betrayal) and it allowed me to recognize that there were "wrongs" committed on both sides that I was sorry for them. And when I asked for forgiveness, I was also forgiving them. And when I said thank you, I was giving gratitude for the experience of personal growth. And when I said I love you, it was also acknowledging that I love myself... all sides of myself... not just the self that my ego wants others to see.

This website has a good article that summarizes this beautiful practice. I hope Ho'oponopono will help you let go of emotions that your ego justifies holding onto so that you can move forward with more ease and love for your whole self.

With love,

Ming-Wai

ego + identity video on understanding yourself

Mark Manson: 5 Levels of Understanding Yourself

Feb. 16, 2022

Understanding the ego + identity is complex and has been difficult for me to grasp and fully understand. This is probably why I come back to step two often when feeling imbalanced. This was a quick video that helped me start to understand the definition of self better. It’s a good place to start if you are just starting step two…or if you’re like me and find yourself back at step two when trying to get back on the wagon.

With love,

Ming-Cee

ego + identity book on following your creative spark

This book was inspiring on so many levels. In each chapter, it's like she was talking to my inner child and inviting me to share my unique gifts with the world by listening to the whispers of my intuition. This helped me identify that little spark in me that I had long forgotten (or, more accurately, left for dead when I decided to "be an adult")

One of the biggest takeaways for me was just making time to do little things for the sheer joy of it... with no expectations of placing first in a competition, creating a business around it, or getting likes on social media. Finding that inner spark and doing things just because it makes me feel good is the practice I need to flex my ego vs. identity muscle. I know I've crossed into doing things for my ego when I crave the external validation of my decisions instead of just being content with the warm glow of not giving a f*ck what anyone thinks.

With love,

Ming-Wai

ego + identity podcast on external validation

ON Purpose with Jay Shetty: 4 Reasons We Crave External Validation and 3 Ways to Feel Truly Seen Heard, and Understood

March 12, 2021

This podcast episode is a particular tool that I come back to time and time again. It’s also a tool that both of us use and it’s the tool we share with our clients that sign up for the 3-month ming+ming signature coaching session. We developed ming+ming's value-based decision making off of this podcast. I personally use this tool when I feel off and or when I lose touch with myself. I also use it when I need to dive deeper into my “why” and it helps me refocus my efforts. I also come back to this tool when I feel overwhelmed and I need guidance on my everyday decisions.

With love,

Ming-Cee

Hi, I’m Ming-Cee and I follow the vanity matrix

I wish I didn’t care about looks as much as I do. But the truth is, I do.

If someone is attractive, lives in a nice home, and drives a fancy car, I automatically put them in the category: How nice it must be to have it all.

I prioritize my spending on clothes and furnishings for my house, then stress over how I’m going to afford paying for chiropractic appointments, alternative healing solutions, vitamins, and my kids’ extra curricular activities.

I feel the whiplash that comes with all the dopamine hits I get with online shopping, then the anxiety I feel when I look into how much a home mold inspection will cost.

I have yet to fully embrace and accept change in this aspect of my life. It’s hard to let go of. I even admitted to our meditation group the other week: “of course I know what I’m going to wear to my high school reunion because when I feel bad on the inside, I know how to look good on the outside.” I’m aware that I’m stuck in between awareness and behavioral changes.

Part of me is still trying to to change just enough to feel better so I can still maintain my vices without consequence. I’m fully aware that old habits and programmed ways of thinking are keeping me stuck. I've experienced enough change to know the hard work is worth it, and yet, a part of me still fights against it like a child who’s only focused on things “not being fair.”

Walking the fine line between understanding my ego + identity has been confusing. I genuinely love fashion and interior design. I also know that shopping is my vice. If you want to know how imbalanced I’m feeling, just count the packages at my front door.

As I do the hard work to better understand myself, I’ve discovered that I prioritize looking good over feeling good because my ego has taken over. Truthfully, it’s been running the show most of my life. My ego perpetuates these old habits by enhancing the fear that my insecurities will be exposed. Exterior validation only adds false security and justifies my shopping addiction.

I also have discovered that this journey to go inside is complicated because I am complicated. I love dressing up, trying new looks, being bold and expressing the many different layers that make up who I am. I love the space that I have created for myself and my family. I enjoy being surrounded by the pretty things I own.

It’s when the newness of the clothes and trinkets wear off that I find myself unsatisfied once again questioning my lack of discipline and self control. My negative reel quickly pops in and life seems to get noisy all at once again. This is when I need the pause the most. When I need to reach for my healing tools instead of my credit card.

It’s in the pause or the break in my inertia that gives me the space to understand myself better. To realize that I have been conditioned to care about materialistic things based on where and how I grew up. These superficial ideals continue to be supported in my daily life and in the noise of societal pressures. Understanding why I’m this way gives me the ability to be less harsh on myself and accept all parts of me.

I am now in a better place where I can embrace the fact that it’s a continual process to discover my balance between my ego + identity. I also embrace the fact that the questions of why I feel a certain way will have a complicated answer because I am a unique and complicated individual.

I am no longer afraid that my façade will be exposed and I accept that there is nothing wrong with me, I have just found my work. There will still be days that I shop, even when I say I don’t want to. I try to give myself some grace and understanding that part of my identity is how I express my creativity through clothes and decorating.

I have also journeyed far enough and have found my tools so when my ego speaks up and my shopping cart is full, I am able to ask myself: who am I performing for? Why do I care so much about what other people think? And, most importantly, how do I feel about myself?

The answers to these questions are uncomfortable, deep-rooted and unflattering but they are also freeing. The fear of my weaknesses being exposed starts to dissipate and the courage to continue addressing my insecurities grows allowing me to be more connected to who I really am. This is what gets me closer to understanding the balance between my ego + identity, and is the catalyst for sustainable change in my life.

As I get older, the vanity matrix still applies but now I am able to find a deeper understanding of the many identities that make up who I am. I have gained more control to know when to let my ego take center stage because I’m becoming more comfortable with my entire self.

you can't handle the truth

If you follow the emotion, it will get you to your truth.

It’s difficult to grasp the concept of ego + identity because in reality, they cross over. It’s finding the balance between the two that gives us the freedom to act in alignment with who we are, to create the space we need to let go of the noise in our heads, and to know what’s worth fighting for and how hard to fight.

The journey in finding the harmony between knowing who we are and fighting for our values is difficult, challenging and uncomfortable. It makes us question if it’s something we want to focus on let alone be conscious that it even exists. It’s way easier to just set the autopilot button and cruise on through with blinders.

Yet, if we are brave enough to discover our root cause and start to get ourselves unstuck, understanding our balance between ego + identity is a crucial and fundamental step. And the only way we can navigate through this incredibly difficult journey is to lead with honesty, which is something our egos put emphasis on avoiding.

We put our egos to the test when we curate a life filled with smoke and mirrors. We feel better about our lives and our choices when like-minded people validate our decisions. We create our own echo chambers so that we can maintain the world we have spent so much time, money and energy creating. This allows us to avoid the hard work of going inside to define our own definition of happiness. On the surface, it’s much easier to perform and do what we think others want without putting much thought into our own actions.

This is what we have been taught to do and it’s what society has confirmed is the right path to take. We have been fed the line: “fake it until you make it” and we have killed it at this game. It’s not until we come face to face with the reality that we are not enjoying the lives we have worked so hard to create that reveals the cracks inside our castle walls.

The honesty starts when we can admit to ourselves that something’s not right. There is a constant nagging that doesn’t go away. It’s filled with unflattering emotions and a dialog that says: “someone else has it worse, so you don’t deserve to complain.” This leaves us feeling lost and stuck in a false belief that there must be something wrong with us. We question why we are unable to enjoy the beautiful lives that we have.

We tend to ignore these uncomfortable emotions but instead, we should examine them. Our emotions are a form of communication so understanding what they’re trying to tell us is a fundamental aspect to getting ourselves unstuck.

But in our culture, we have conditioned ourselves to ignore our feelings, put our heads down, and keep charging ahead because addressing these emotions would be complicated and unpleasant and we’d just rather avoid that altogether.

However, if we can find the strength to follow the emotion instead of ignoring it, it allows us to accept our insecurities with compassion and understanding. And once we have an understanding, we can help ourselves work towards a solution. It allows us to find our focus and stop the spiraling. We can finally address the root cause and experience sustainable change.

When we experience the change from our habitual responses of our past, it opens up the opportunity to feel things differently, shift our perspectives and redefine our limiting beliefs. But to get there, we must ask ourselves the hard questions: WHY do I feel jealous? WHY does that trigger me? WHY do I care so much? It’s in the answers to these questions that will allow us to reaffirm our values and get back in touch with who we really are beneath the smoke and mirrors. Finding the honest answers to these uncomfortable questions is HOW we find our balance between the ego + identity.

Quite the doozy for just step two of our 11 step process, right?!?

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

you are enough

The underlying message our negative reel consistently relays back to us is:

you are not ___________ enough (don’t worry, your negative reel will fill in the blank for you).

This repetitive dialog perpetuates fears that we will fail, be rejected, humiliated and abandoned which keeps us from trusting our abilities and moving forward (or in any direction for that matter). We begin to believe that voice without question, without hesitation, so that it becomes so familiar that we don’t even recognize we’ve been shit talking ourselves all these years.

Once we embrace the belief that there is something wrong with us, we begin to act on that belief. We hold ourselves back, convince ourselves that change isn’t worth the effort, and stay on autopilot because planning for a life of misery is less terrifying than taking a leap of faith into the unknown.

Our brains don’t like change because the endless possible outcomes and potential risks are so unpredictable that we cannot prepare enough to counteract all the different ways we may fail. So we do nothing because if we don’t try, then we can’t fail. And this makes us feel like we are in control.

But we know that we’re never fully in control of any outcome and there are a million different ways that any situation can play out. When we acknowledge that fact, it actually gives us permission to shift our perspective and start to quiet down our negative reel.

In reality we don’t know what life has in store for us, no matter how “prepared” we may think we may be, so there’s no control to hold on to. The last few years of the pandemic has highlighted this fact for us. We are not in control. We never have been and we never will be.

So if there’s no control, then where can we find our security?

The answer is: in ourselves.

We must be the ones to believe in our own abilities. We must be the ones to define our own worthiness or else we allow others to define this for us – still leaving us out of control. The only true control we have is over ourselves and that starts with our thoughts, which then determines how we feel about ourselves, which then sets the foundation for our actions.

Our negative reel will tell us that we are not enough because of our flaws and lack of ability. But if we can accept that as humans we have flaws and shortcomings AND can still be enough, then we can start to quiet down our negative reels.

When we start to trust that we have the ability to adapt, change, and meet the challenges of this uncontrollable life, then we can release the fear of failure. We can even shift our definition of failure completely. The incredible effort it takes to trust that we possess what it takes to do the hard work means that we aren’t failing even if the outcome isn’t what we hoped for.

The first step is to know that WE ARE ENOUGH – flaws, mistakes, poor decisions, addictions and all. We are unique, complicated works-in-progress. When we shift our perspective from thinking that there’s something wrong with us to knowing that we have the strength to work on and overcome our weaknesses, then we can give ourselves the time, patience, and grace to take our first steps on our healing journey.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You have just found your work” – Rabbi Mordecai Finley, the rich roll podcast

So if you need help identifying and quieting down your negative reel, check out our tools page. These are the tools we have used, and keep coming back to, when our negative reels decide to pop back in. And as you take your first steps in this difficult journey, remind yourself:

“There is nothing wrong with me. I have just found my work. I am enough.”

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

Reprinted with permission

ming + ming

our tools for the negative reel

If you are having a hard time letting go of the limiting idea that there is something wrong with you or that you are broken and need fixing, then you are not alone.

Let us repeat this, you are not alone.

If you are reading this right now, know that there is a whole community here at ming+ming struggling, supporting each other, and trying new tools to help shift how we speak to ourselves from harsh judgment and disappointment to love and compassion.

When we discover and acknowledge our negative reel, it also comes with accepting our flaws and shortcomings. It’s in this first crucial step of recognizing our negative reel that we address what we say and how we talk to ourselves all the time. And it’s with this new understanding that we are able to find the tools we need to help ourselves improve, shift, and change.

“If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. If you argue for those limits, they’re yours.”

- Jim Kwik on the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty (Feb 3, 2020)

As with all our tools, this podcast helped us loosen our grip on our limiting beliefs and the facades we have built around them. It shifts our perspectives that have been taught to us, ingrained into us, and validated through decades of cultural “norms.”

The objective for sharing our tools is to give you an alternative to something you’ve only known. Our tools have given us the ability to shift our perspectives, give us the courage to try something new and provide us with hope that change is absolutely possible and within our control.

These are the tools that have helped us identify our negative reels and to start quieting them down. We would love to hear your feedback on these tools if you have tried them. Please share your stories in the comment section below.

Ming-Cee’s tools include:

• social media detox

• podcasts and TED talks (Jim Kwik, Mel Robbins + Marisa Peer)

• meditation class + yoga for sleep

Ming-Wai's tools include:

• crystals

• reiki

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Reprinted with permission by ming + ming

ming-cee's tools: podcasts

Jim Kwik on how to Learn Faster, Remember More & Find Your Superpower

On Purpose with Jay Shetty (Feb. 3, 2020)

This podcast helped me shift my perspective and enhance my awareness that I fight for my limitations with what I say to myself on a continual basis. Jim's personal story helped me connect to the struggle of placing limitations on my potential since I was a young child and how stereotypes of what was expected of me as child has shaped how I feel about myself today. This podcast helped me hear and further identify my negative reel.

Mel Robbins on Turning Negative Self Talk Into Positive Habits & The Truth About Manifestation

The Adversity Advantage

This podcast helps further define what the negative reel is and why it affects my daily decision and what motives my actions towards change in my life. She explains why consistently showing up is crucial and why it's important to have self compassion as you travel through this healing journey. She shares tips and practice on how to recognize, quiet down and shift your negative reel.

A quicker version of her message is at the TED Talk: How to stop screwing yourself over

How Not Being Enough is The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity with Marisa Peer

The Mindvalley Podcast with Vishen (July 26, 2018)

This podcast helped me apply certain actions towards quieting down my negative reel. Success stories of how she helped others shift their negative reel gives me hope that all the effort is worth it and that I can be a success story too.

Reprinted with permission by ming + ming

ming-wai's tool: reiki

Until 2018, reiki was not in my vocabulary. I had heard of energy healing and I had gotten benefit from acupuncture in the past, but it was nothing I was interested in doing or learning... until our au pair started getting our 4-year-old son to nap almost everyday by "doing reiki" on him. This was a child that refused to sleep as an infant and HATED to nap. It was a bona fide miracle. I had to learn what this was before our au pair's visa expired.

As I describe in this newsletter, my reiki attunement opened up something inside of me long suppressed but, more importantly, it taught me that I can heal myself and others by connecting from a place of love to the energy that surrounds us all. It also helped me push back on my negative reel by helping me love a part of me that I dismissed for decades.

I learned reiki from Marissa at my home yoga studio Nimaste Yoga in Kensington, MD, but I also received immense benefit and guidance from sessions with Devon Cajuste (via phone) and Pam at Atasia Spa (in person) in Berkeley Spring, WV.

Reiki is a difficult healing technique to define. If there are 100 reiki practitioners, you will experience 100 variations of reiki. The style and experience can vary widely. If you're interested in reiki as a healing modality, please reach out to me and I hope to guide you in the right direction.

ming-wai's tool: crystals

One of my first steps on my journey was recognizing and trusting in the sensations in my body and the "knowing" within myself. I always loved the look of crystals, but thought it was silly to feel them. That was my negative reel and I was embarrassed to pursue this interest for a long time. But once I accepted that this was a legitimate tool for me, it helped me trust my intuition, my decisions, and my unique way of processing the world. This was a crucial first step to starting to trust myself even when it didn't make sense to the people around me.

Fortunately, The Crystal Code by Tamara Driessen encouraged me to get to know my crystals and open to their energy. This was my first crystal book and it reads like a girlfriend giving advice on picking up a new hobby. It was exactly what I needed to trust that what I was connecting with and reminded me that connecting with Earth's energy is nothing new... it's our natural state of being.

If you're interested in adding some crystals into your collection, I recommend The Healing Sanctuary on Etsy. She infuses the crystals with reiki energy and I love they way they feel when I get them. No negative ju-ju here!

ming-cee's tool: social media detox

I believe this had one of the largest and immediate impacts to my first few steps of my healing journey. The outside noise made it very difficult, if not impossible, for me to start to try to pinpoint my own voice. One of the ways I realized I had to get off social media was because of how I felt after using it.

Instagram was my go-to and I realized it would leave me with feelings of jealousy, confusion, hurt, and a lack of worth for where I was in my life. These were not ALL the feelings I had, I did enjoy Instagram for other reasons, however, Instagram is a tool, and I should only be using it if I’m enjoying it or find it helpful and resourceful in positive ways.

It is without doubt that my 1.5 years off social media did wonders for my mental and emotional health. I even believe I would be still off it if I wasn’t starting this business! But that’s the challenge and what we call life. I am now on a new journey discovering how I can use Instagram as a tool for business and still find balance in my life.

If you're interested in trying a social media detox, start with this article.